A lost part of me

Posted by Nadine Marola on May 9, 2019 in Uncategorized

Recently I became aware that I have lost a part of my self, or lets say I’ve suppressed a part of myself…

I have been doing art my whole life, since I can remember. It is all I wanted to do growing up.
The only thing I was interested in. In high school I was constantly trying to get my parents to
get me into a school or collage where I can do more art. I was even prepared to go to school
with the train to finish High School at an Art College in town. I ended up settling to do 2 art classes
after school and one at school. The other subjects I just took to get through high school.

After I finished school I studied Graphic design.
Because I thought I had to study something that will provide a job.
(Cause art is not something that you can do as a living, right? Or so I thought.)
Art became projects and tasks. Things that I had to do according to a brief.
Not giving me much space to create freely. Thankfully we did figure drawing, print making,
illustration and other creative subjects that I loved. Designing on the computer
was only a small part of the course.

So I finished my 3 years of graphic design, got my diploma and got a job as a Web designer.
I only managed a year. So I went to volunteer in Knysna with my partner (now husband) for a few months.
I didn’t realize at the time, but I was on a mission to find my sense of purpose.
I felt lost and was not sure what to do with my life.

While volunteering I got the idea to make Moonlights.
When we got home Alan went back to his previous job, and I started my own business called Moonlights.
I made lasercut wall lights for a few years, and really started to miss drawing and being more creative.
Then I started making artblocks (wooden canvas with my artworks printed on).
To add other products I needed a broader name, so I changed my business name to Pure creation.
But still – doing my art didn’t feed my soul. There was still something missing.
I was doing my art to sell. Trying to draw what I thought people would like.

All these years I felt lost or that a part of me was missing.
I’ve come to realize why? I have not been fully living a creative life.
I have not been creating from my heart, from my soul. Expressing myself fully with my art.
I cannot belief how long I have been missing creating. And to be honest I think I have never
really been creating fully from my heart. I always created from a space of trying to be good enough,
trying to be perfect, and according to what other people might think.

It has been very freeing to realize this. To start understanding why I’ve been feeling the way I do.
Freeing to be able to finally take control of my life. Freeing to be able to change the way I live.
Cause all I really want is to live a creative life and speak my truth through my art.